Quite Sirius!
by Super Shayde
Summary: ANOTHER silly challenge! With my own, again. Warning: Includes Edam cheese, caterpillars, Sirius the lame stand-up comedian, and a moron trying to get the quarters out of a gumball machine. [ONE-SHOT]


Quite Sirius!

Summary: ANOTHER silly challenge! With my own, again. Warning: Includes Edam cheese, caterpillars, Sirius the lame stand-up comedian, and a moron trying to get the quarters out of a gumball machine.

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the Harry Potter character mentioned, or the delicious Edam cheese, and I don't own a personal moron, but the moron in this ficcy is based on a real kid.

- Sirius is a lame stand-up comedian

- Must include James, Peter, a moron, Lily Evans, Snivelly, and Froggie the toad

- Must take place in a fancy restaurant(which, for some stupid reason, must be fancy yet have an arcade and gumball machine)

- James must constantly try to get Lily to like him

- Peter must shriek, "Cowabunga!" at some point

- Snape must try to run out several times but all of them are locked in

- The moron must guffaw loudly and just do moronic things

Sirius Black snickered. He had just successfully completed the most ingenious plan of ALL TIME, of ALL ENTERNITY, of FOREVER and BEYOND, of ACTUALLY-NOT-SO-GREAT-BUT-EXAGGERATED-TO-MAKE-THE-READER-WANT-TO-READ-MORE, the BEST PLAN IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD!

He had successfully locked two of his best friends, his enemy, his best friend's love of his life, and (accidentally) a toad, three chunks of Edam cheese and some random Muggle into a deserted fancy Muggle restaurant. He was a genius(although all he had done was drag them all there and then lock the door)! An absolute genius!

"Sirius, what the HELL are you doing?!" James Potter yelled, after having been forced into a seat.

"I'm making you all see my first performance as a stand-up comedian!" Sirius grinned.

"Oh, how I hate you," Severus Snape drawled, eyes narrowed.

"Thanks," Sirius snapped.

The Muggle kid who he'd accidentally dragged in burst into guffaws. Lily Evans stared at him.

"...You're an idiot." James told the kid, who replied with a big grin,

"Thanks!" , and then burst into guffaws again. James Potter raised an eyebrow, and Peter Pettigrew squeaked nervously. Sirius began to pet the toad(who he had now nicknamed Froggie) impatiently, waiting for attention. As he did not receive any, he screamed,

"Hey, look! I'm calling my toad Froggie!" Lily Evans said sarcastically,

"That's great, Sirius. I think I will now faint in joy."

"Oh, don't faint, oh-Prefect-Highness-ness! You have to watch the show!" Sirius replied with a grin.

"I don't think I'll take that offer," Snivellus grumbled, getting up and running towards the door, then after it did not open, crying hysterically. "I'm going to die, no; I'm dying!"

"Hurry up with it, then!" Sirius yelled. James snickered. Snivellus let out a low moan.

"You-will-pay-for-this," he said, his voice strained as if he actually were dying.

"Oh, be quiet," Lily snapped, "Sirius, get on with it so we can all get out of here."

"You're a genius, Lily!" James said enthusiastically, "Will you go out with me?"

"No." Lily said dully. James frowned. Sirius got on with it.

"So, why did the chicken cross the road?" he asked cheerfully.

"We don't know." Lily supplied dully, "Why?"

"Because I FELT LIKE TELLING A JOKE THAT INVOLVED A CHICKEN!" Sirius cried, ecstatic.

The moron guffawed, slapping his knees and almost falling out of his chair, then finally, his laughs subsiding, he got up and began to shake the gumball machine(a sign on it read, "Although we are an extremely fancy restaurant, we included a gumball machine because we felt like it. SO THERE."), then checked the slot and cursed as no quarters had fallen.

"Hey, hey, ask me a question!" Sirius demanded to James.

"Why?" James asked dryly.

"BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO!"

There was silence. Some random person played a tape of crickets chirping in the background, then ran off.

"IT BURNS!" Snivelly howled, referring to Sirius' lame joke-ness.

The moron continued to shake the gumball machine. The silence continued. For extra effect, the random person came back and played a tape of silence, then ran off.

"COWABUNGA!" Peter screamed, breaking the silence, "I'm a surfer, dudes!" Severus was on the brink of tears. The moron fell over, guffawing. Sirius blinked. Lily blinked. James blinked. The moron blinked. Snivelly blinked. Peter blinked. Froggie the toad blinked. The random person came back and played Frank Sinatra in the background. Everyone burst into tears, screaming,

"IT BURNS!" (The Edam cheese said nothing. It was rather shy.)

THE END

Moral: Never, EVER let your best friend drag you to a fancy restaurant with a gumball machine. Chaos will ensue and frogs will play video games, resulting in the taking over of the world and everyone will be forced to spend fifty dollars and buy me the Sims 2. No, wait..GIMME FIFTY DOLLARS ANYWAY!


End file.
